For my mother’s 90th birthday, my brother and sister and I converged from around the country to take her to dinner at the restaurant we considered the most impressive – out of nearly 2,000 restaurants -- in the nearest big city. It was going to be very pricey, but we were willing to make financial sacrifices, agreeing that she deserved the best.
She had been looking forward to one thing, and one thing only, for her birthday dinner: a big ice cream sundae. She would have been happy to skip the entrée and go straight to dessert.
When we got to the restaurant, I was horrified to find that it served only an 8-course prix fixe tasting menu. Each course was tiny – but exquisite – and the meal was designed to take nearly four hours.
After the third course, my mother started snagging every passing waiter. “Please bring me ice cream,” she said politely to each. We all tried to cajole her: “It’s coming! That’s the final course! You’ll get ice cream! You just have to wait a little longer!”
When the eighth course finally arrived, we saw that its one small sphere of ice cream had apparently been dished up with a melon ball scoop. When we pleaded with the waiter to bring a big serving, he returned and presented with a flourish a silver bowl containing. . . two melon ball scoops of ice cream.
It was arguably the best restaurant in town – but what my mother cared about and what it offered were very different. And whose fault was that? They made no secret of their menu – we just hadn’t asked questions ahead of time, assuming that choosing “the best” would automatically result in the best possible experience.
The next day we redeemed ourselves by taking her to Friendly’s, an inexpensive chain restaurant featuring ice cream, where she was delighted to have the big sundae she’d wanted all along.
How does that experience apply to health care?
Other people making arrangements on your behalf may – with the best of intentions – steer you towards the most elaborate, expensive, state-of-the-art treatment available. And you may go along with it. After all, like my mother, you deserve the best, don’t you?
You may find that you are better served by getting clear in your own mind what goals you are trying to meet when you seek treatment. What problem are you trying to solve? In most (but not all) cases, many different and legitimate treatment options are available, and which one to get depends on what matters to you.
You can avoid paying a high price – yet getting care that doesn’t meet your needs – by thoughtfully asking questions up front about the pros and cons of each option – unlike the approach my siblings and I took to our mother’s birthday dinner. . .